Sunday, April 22, 2012

Why "Queen of A Small Country?"

I worried that the name of this blog would sound a little silly, as in 'what country'? 'what queen?'
It's actually just a simple joke on me, and here's the story:
About 5 years ago my sweet husband came home from a long day at work to find me in tears, knee-deep in kids and unmet expectations. Crappy dinner. Probably no workout, cagey day. As I vented and vented about how much I hated it, how Motherhood made me feel like I was a round peg trying to shove myself into a square hole, I finally concluded, "There's been some huge mistake. This is all wrong. I wasn't meant to be a mom. I know I was meant to be the Queen of some small country!!!"
I was totally 100% serious when I said it. I really believed it. Some days I still do. But at that point my husband, as usual with my freakouts, tried I'm sure to suppress his giggles, all the while trying to figure out how to fix it all.
I got over it that day, and every other day that felt that way. Barbara Bush once described her child-rearing time as "Long Days and Short Years". Nothing more true than that. Some days you want it to end. NOW. Other days you know you're seeing into eternity, with 60 seconds of bliss that somehow makes all the other stuff work it. I still work to reconcile this job. I'll always be a round peg, only now I've created my own round hole to fit in. Just to be myself and be their mother and realize that it's not mutually exclusive.

1 comment:

  1. Nichole, I love this. You WERE meant to be a queen of some small country. I have always known it!
    P.S. When are you coming this summer?